Sunday, May 08, 2005

When One Follows the Advice of Women

After much beratement and criticism (from no less than 2,200 readers! – Many, many sincere thanks for all the press JMPP and Marginalrevolution!) as to how I fumbled the ball with this economist babe by not asking for her number, I took it upon myself to remedy the situation and implement some of the advice and strategies different people suggested and see if they worked. And I figured whose advice better to follow than the experts on courtship, dating and romance; women.

The most common criticism I received from women centered around one general theme;

That I did not show initiative/aggression/courage, thereby failing to prove to her I was a skilled hunter and courageous defender, capable of providing for her and our would be children and defending them from the roving bands of wild rabid mammoth that frequently roam the Minnesota plains here.

Thus I formulated a cunning plan.

My cunning plan was this;

1. Take initiative and look up the offices of where she said she worked.

2. Be aggressive and courageous and buy her a simple single flower with a polite note attached asking if she was ever going to take me up on the offer of dancing and dining (and that my poor economist heart was broken, sniff sniff)

3. Show that I had interest by dropping it off at the front desk of her workplace enroute to my favorite lake for my daily run.

By logical reasoning, this would no doubt display that I was aggressive, courageous, had interest and much initiative. And how could it possibly fail? For this plan was designed to do exactly what all the women here have been advocating me to do.

Which reminded me of a theory I concocted back in my college days;

“When you devise a plan and are so confident in it that you ask yourself the question, how can it possibly fail?…you will soon find out.”

Key to this plan was to just drop off the flower with the receptionist in a clandestine operation sort of way and get out of there, ensuring that I would not be seen as the stalker type. This would allow her to throw the flower away and not have to respond unless she really wanted to.

And since I was enroute to a run and had no intention of meeting her I was dressed in my running gear; cut off sweat pants, my Boston Red Sox hat and a Mr. Bubble T-shirt I got from sending in the $4.95 with proof of purchase of Mr. Bubble Bubble Bath. Damn did I look sexy.

So I park the car, feed the meter, run to the skyscraper, hit the elevators, go to the correct floor, follow the signs to the suite number, and noticed it’s not that big of an office. Just a simple door with a buzzer. So I clicked the buzzer, waited and who do you suppose answers the door.

Oh joy. It’s the economist babe.

So much for the covertness of this clandestine operation.

Trying to put on my best smile given I was wearing my fetching Mr. Bubble-T-Shirt, I gave her the flower and the note and said, “hi!”

Her face was pure panic. I could have just as well handed her an ebola-infested live tarantula.

Obviously scared, she said, “how did you know where I worked?”

Realizing that she now viewed me as your friendly neighborhood stalker-man, I tried to calm her down by reminding her that, “You told me you worked here.”

Realizing my cunning plan was an utter failure and that she was actually scared by my appearance, I wanted to get hell out of there fast as possible so as not to worry her anymore. Maintaining my smile I said, “well I gotta go. Hope you like the flower,” did an about face, bouncily jogged to the elevator and made way to my favorite lake for my daily run.

Now I enjoy my daily run for it’s just over 6 miles long and it gives me a fair amount of time to ponder and reflect about life’s daily occurrences. And during this particular daily run, I drew several important lessons from this whole ordeal that I think all men should heed and follow;

1. It is infinitely better to be viewed as an unaggressive, unmotivated man who has not the courage to ask you for your number than to be viewed as a stalker. i.e.- Ball in Court Theory is a great theory!

2. Today it is no longer socially acceptable to give a girl flowers unless you know her, otherwise you run the risk of being misperceived as a stalker, see lesson 1. Ergo, no more flowers for the ladies (Besides they cost $2.95, that’s like almost a shot of whiskey!)

3. Women do not appreciate the Mr. Bubble line of designer T-Shirts.

4. Appreciate Adam Smith’s theory of specialization and stick with what you’re good at.

5. Baghdad Bob’s intelligence on Iraqi and US troop movements during the invasion is supremely superior to women’s intelligence on themselves. i.e.- Don’t listen to women’s advice about women.

Alas, it seems to me I shall stick with my time-tested, well-devised and energy-saving strategy of letting them come to me.

11 comments:

Captain Capitalism said...

Well don't chalk it up to guts or stupidity just yet gentlemen. The truth is I had an ulterior motive. Since the "Dear Penthouse" forum caused such a hubbub, I figured it would make for a good posting to follow through and implement what everybody else had been suggesting. Truthfully, I thought there might have been an outside chance of success, but I was pretty much banking on it failing. Not that I purposely sabotaged it just to make a story, I gave it an honest go. But one can always rely on the ladies to the sabotaging for them ;)

David said...

I have to agree with a lot of what's said. Some women (like Jackie) think all women are like her and want a guy to pursue them endlessly. But guess what? We are all different. Now it is worth hearing a woman's advice on such things (as men and women are different) but always take it with a grain of salt because like politicians, they often cloud up the right thing to do with what they'd like to happen.

Case in point: I've given out my number and/or invited women to do undefined things at undefined times and they've taken me up on it (not always but hey, that's how it goes). The ball-in-court theory is a good theory; it lets you express interest without being creepy. There's all kinds of people in the world; specialization is definately a plus.

Captain Capitalism said...

Thank you my framedsheep friend. Don't worry, the primary purpose of this mission was to just make a point. And most of the advice is already taken/implemented. The establishments I frequent usually require something above jeans and T-shirt, besides, I'm usually in a suit anyway.

I think the economic lesson of the day we can all take away from this is the opportunity cost of pursuing women is a sane life with little stress and just as many women as you would have gotten otherwise.

Thus, why I say, "easy on the girls gentlemen." You live your life, let them do all the work and come to you.

Captain Capitalism said...

Thank you my beloved 28 year old sister. This coming from a girl whose boyfriends average age is 57 and have a relationship life expactancy of 2 weeks. I'll keep your wise words under advisement. ;P

Bill C said...

Sell your house, get rid of whatever toys you own, book a ticket to a country in which male/female relations have not been poisoned with feminism and you will find women who do not react to the sight of a man with a flower as though he were carrying a hacket.

Personally, I recommend Russia.

http://mensnewsdaily.com/blog/channel1/2005/03/russian-wedding.htm

Captain Capitalism said...

Hate to say it, but not more than 3 years ago I was so against mail order brides. I had no less than 3 of my older male friends get themselves one (all from Russia) and I was betting my house and all I could borrow that those gals would divorce them the day they got their green card.

Thankfully I was proven wrong, and oddly enough I don't think I've seen happier couples.

Still, I'll leave that as a "break glass in case of emergency" option.

Bill C said...

Hey Cap,

I should have been more explicit. MOVE TO RUSSIA! I moved to Moscow in 2004. I was going through the same thing that I think you are. At 37, I had been engaged twice to two women that turned into nightmares. I had done the dating scene and was bored with it. I think we have a lot in common. My father was a preacher man. I was graduated with a degree in econ and I have a MS in Finance. IMHO, you should look at your problem like an economist. I did and I did not like my chances of finding a good wife in the US. In part it is demographics, being part of Gen X means higher male to female ratios than was true in the past. Also, it is the perverse incentives created by the gov't which makes divorce a no win situation for men.

I married a beautiful 21 year old girl who takes care of me. She cleans, does the laundry and cooks. And I don't have to worry about her leaving with my child because in Russia it is good men who are the scarce resource. Cap, it is probably not feasible for you to move out of the country but you would greatly increase your chances of finding someone who will be devoted to you by looking outside of the country. Also, we men need to get together and change the divorce laws so that it is not so easy for women to take our children and property. Personally, I think equal custody will give women an incentive to stay in marriage. Women initiate divorce about 2/3rds of the time. That alone should tell you a lot.

PS I love the site. Keep up the good work.

Captain Capitalism said...

Thanks Bill, but I just went through a 4 year hellish nightmare recently and am in NOOOO rush to get a serious girl again, let alone a wife. But should the time come (which could very well be when I'm 37) I will certainly keep that option open.

Ironic, isn't it? Unionized American labor and American women face a common threat;

Foreign competition! HAR HAR HAR!

That would make for a good post!

Bill C said...

http://niceguy.dearingfilm.com/

Solaris said...

NiceGuy's site has moved to NiceGuy's American Women (mostly) Suck

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