Saturday, November 05, 2005

Hypocrisy Served in Under 5 Minutes

And only a 20 something chick can do that.

This post is for two groups of people;

1. College age youths, because the economic lesson is worth listening to.
2. Twenty something chicks that wish NOT to become like their pissed-off, psycho 30-something predecessors.

I had gone into my day time gig early one morn because I had some work I needed to do. This more or less gave me my choosing of the best parking spot in the entire parking lot.

3 hours later a friend of mine comes upstairs to chat with me and my other co-workers.

She says, "What's that rollerskate doing in my parking spot?"

"Rollerskate?" I asked.

She said, "Yeah, that Volkswagen piece of crap you have." referring to my 1996 Volkswagen.

I was previously under the impression she did not have a car because she commuted. So I asked her, "I thought you didn't even have a car. I thought you commuted."

"HELLO??? I have a 2003 Monte Carlo SS!"

I said, "So why do you commute?"


Now, contextual knowledge you do not have to this story is that my friend commutes 1 hours 15 minutes a day ONE WAY. So, being a an economist, or heck, just being a logical normal thinking human being, I asked,

"Why don't you move closer to work?"

"HELLO??? Property prices are too high?"

Now, being a property owner in Minneapolis and a landlord as well, I know that there is a glut of rental property in the Twin Cities market. And while prices may be high, we are in a property bubble because the plausible rents of those properties would not warrant such lofty valuations. Thus with the over supply of rental property in the Twin Cities I said,

"Well, there's a glut of rental units in the Twin Cities. Certainly you should be able to find yourself an affordable apartment."

"HELLOOOO??? I don't want my kid being raised in an apartment building."

Now, contextual knowledge you do not have to this story is that my friend just had herself a child. And children in this office are considered holy because not only do the women have pictures of their children up, but pictures of the other womens' children up at their desks. And I am literally considered by many in this group to have mental problems because I do not want children.

Also, contextual knowledge you do not have to this story is that my friend is approaching her 30th birthday.

Thus, when the "mother hen" of our group (who is this sweetheart of a woman) asked her, "So, you're approaching the big 3-0. Are you where you'd like to be in life by now?"

My friend said, "No, I was thinking that I'd have more kids by now, but I'm just married with 1."

So here's my question, and tell me if I'm wrong. But why the hell is my car a piece of crap and why the hell is there something wrong with me for not wanting to have children?

If I am not mistaken, here in front of me is a woman who is proud of not only her car, but her son as well, and wishes to have more.

But at the same time, wanting these THINGS (yes, the child I am categorizing now as a "thing") hampers her lifestyle and forces a lower standard of living upon her.

And I'm supposed to believe that this is the life she wants? Or that she is happy?

Thus, I speculate (as I have before) that the majority of women who have children do so only for biological and instinctual reasons. They don't THINK. And therefore when the economic realities of having children dawn on them, they have a choice;

Realize the mistake I've made


RATIONALIZE the "choice" I've made.

This results in what I think constitutes the majority of women. Whereas previously they were independent minded, individuals with dreams and goals and desires and plans. Now they are beholden women to children (and cars or material items they can't afford). And rather than face up to their mistake and suffer a blow from reality, they deny reality and ACT like they're happy. And not only that, they go so far as to constantly pummel me with pro-child propaganda and some even berated me for not fawning over their children and saying nice things to them whenst in the office (even though this would be pointless as most of the children at the age of 1 ARE NOT FLUENT IN ENGLISH!!!) Worse still, I get the impression some of them hate me, for on Monday morning when we recap what we did on the weekend I say,

"Well, I went dancing, had some martini's, had a spectacular dinner at my favorite Italian joint, slept in till noon each day, had a date, got a little play, played video games, worked on the house, and had 100% of my time to me"

and they say,

"Little Johnny puked and we took him to the hospital at 3AM. Then I had to get back and make a crappy dinner because we can't afford to go out and eat at good restaurants. We stayed in and watched the game but we wanted to go to a movie, but we couldn't find a baby sitter, and then we had to get up this morning at 5AM to get here today."

So here's the economic lesson of the day for all you college youths. You have a choice when it comes to cars;

1. Buy a cheap, but reliable used car and then live where you want, eat where you want, have a short commute, have no car payment, have minimal car insurance and have money left over to invest in property or stocks or something or...

2. Buy a brand new car fresh out of college and be a slave to the car payments until you're 30 and be forced to live far away from any sort of metropolitain culture.

And for you 20 something women who think your life is meaningless unless you have a child;

Do not have children just because everydody else does. Go and live your life and figure out what YOU want to do. Do you like animals? Well become a vet first, then have children. Do you like hiking? Well become a forest ranger first and then become a mother. Whatever it is you like to do, please do it before you become like everybody else. For I cannot tell you how drab and boring and common and how quick-lived a date is with a girl that says, "well, I have 2 children and I love them, they're the best children in the world. Ooops! I have to leave, the baby sitter is only paid till 10PM."

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to live my horrible life. I have to go to dinner at a nice Italian restaurant where I'll meet some students before we go dancing at one of my favorite jazz venues. No doubt I'll have a martini, and might even meet a cute girl tonight. Either way I'll be getting home around 1AM to drift off for 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep with no particular responsibilities tomorrow. Although I might play some video games before I go to bed and finish off that great pasta I got last night that's in the fridge.

I just need to find a baby sitter...OH! Wait, that's right. I don't have children. I can "just go."


JTapp said...

Do you ever listen to Dave Ramsey on the radio? (the financial guy). He likes to make fun of the 20-somethings that you're making fun of here. He does it with much more attitude though, you'd like it.

Captain Capitalism said...

No, where does he broadcast from? I'm sure I'd love to hear him. Unfortunately a fair amount of my personal clientel are the idiot 20 somethings, so as much as I'd like to berate them about their stupidity I have to be very adroit and diplomatic and say,

"Well, you see Suzie. Since you were a slut back in high school, and a particularly dumb one since you didn't use protection, your primary obligation now is to your children and the big fancy schmancy SUV you'd like to mortgage your's and your childrens' future on is not worth it."

You have no idea how much harder government programs make my job.

DMKhldibo said...

Man, you need a dame.