Friday, August 29, 2008

Drill in ANWR or the Polar Bear Gets It

I had just finished a very long day at Yellowstone National Park. Did the whole geyser tour, hiked about a cumulative of 5 miles in the sulphur smelling gas they exude and then decided to climb Mt. Washburn which is 10,300 ft towards the later afternoon. Came down Washburn Moutain with only one thing in mind; food. Price was no concern, quality was no concern, I would have killed a buffalo and eaten it raw right in front of a ranger if I had seen one. So I headed south into a small village/town called Canyon and there was a place called “The Canyon Lodge.”

There’s a 20 minute wait, but it didn’t matter it was the only place to eat. Soon enough we get called and I open the menu. Prices are exorbitant. A Rueben sandwich cost $14, a salad was $12, but I didn’t care, I was that hungry. So while we wait for our waitress I start reading the backside of the menu which goes over the history of the Canyon Lodge;

“We here are the Canyon Lodge understand how important nature and the environment are to the world. That’s why we here at the Canyon Lodge strive to do our best to recycle and use only natural, organic foods to not only do our best for the environment but help others of diverse cultural, ethnic, socio and economic backgrounds do theirs.”

I got up, looked at my buddy across the table and said, “F#ck this sh!t. We’re outta here!”

My buddy said, “But we’re starving and there’s no restaurants for miles.”

I said, “I don’t care. I’m willing to drive back to Cody to avoid paying these a$$holes any of my money.” Which is precisely what we did.

For while Cody was 80 miles away, back in Cody was a place called Irma’s. Irma’s is a bar/restaurant/roadhouse. We stopped there before and martini’s cost $2.50, you could smoke, Texas Hold Em was going on in the back, they had Wi-Fi and their Rueben’s didn’t cost $14. All in all it was the classical case of a capitalist entity running circles around a socialist entity in terms of quality and price. But the real reason I was willing to drive the 80 miles back to Cody was that their menus wouldn’t preach or proselytize to use some leftist, socialist, enviro-Nazi creed. Cody treated their customers like adults and instead of TELLING the customer how they should live their lives (while coincidentally serving overpriced food at the same time) their primary goal was to run a good bar and restaurant and not give a damn how you led your life.

And this is an important lesson for all you global-warming freaks, Obama-social-justice-types and varied sorts of holier-than-thou crusading liberals out there; you will piss off and enrage more people by lecturing and proselytizing to people your warped little religion than just letting us be and letting us make our own decisions for ourselves. It’s like any type of religious zealot coming up to your house, knocking on your door and trying to ram their religion down your throat. You will do more damage than good for your cause.

Worse still for your little do-nothing-but-make-myself-feel-better-crusade, I fathom there will inevitably be a backlash. Forget the fact YOU caused me to burn more gas to drive out to Cody on pure principle and ultimately countered your intentions of fighting global warming. What if every time I hear about some global warming fraud spewing his crap, I get sick of it and just to piss him off and counter his intentions I decide to burn a gallon of gas? Or drive my 8 cylinder car instead of the motorcycle? What if every time somebody hears about ANWR being denied drilling by congress, they decide to go and hunt down a polar bear? Or better yet, I become a “polar bear terrorist” and hold hostage 40 polar bears and unless “my demands you open ANWR are met, the 40 polar bears get it!” killing more polar bears than ANWR ever would? Or for every time ELF burns a Hummer dealership, somebody decides to go and burn a Prius dealership?

Of course, these things are extreme, and most hard working capitalists are too busy earning a living to have time to go on little polar bear assassination crusades (unlike our leftist counterparts), but I think the time is nigh for me to stop recycling, start a weekly “gallon o’ gas burning event” and start burning Styrofoam, paint and whatever other things I shouldn’t be doing and others should do the same. Anything to cause more “damage” to the environment in the eyes of these environmentalist zealots in retaliation for their arrogance to dare lecture and proselytize to us about how we lead our lives.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

I often make the comment "Okay, I'm gonna go leave now and burn a gallon of used motor oil." I think I might change that to "burn a pound of styrafoam."

We need to have this day occur in January, right in the dead of winter, so those of us in the north can show everyone that we need global warming to make the spring return.

Let's do it!

Anonymous said...

A national day of burning styrafoam is a good thing. We need to do it! In January, so we can have a faux-ritual to bring back the spring.

(my previous comment was eaten, but this is the gist of it.)

Anonymous said...

Count on me burning an extra gallon or two in honor or your left-wing cafe experience. The SRX could use a good "airing" in any event. Triple digits at my favorite back highway 'race track' should do it.

EarlW said...

Bravo! I hope that you told them why you were leaving...

Anonymous said...

Actually, hubby spotted the dump sites in northern Ontario (on a fly over) for all that 'other' recycled stuff, we don't recycling anything, what's the point?

IF they were serious they'd stop the endless friggin flyers that 'garbage up' the place where ever you go, as well as you home. Why aren't they stopping that - would save trees would it not?

Anonymous said...

Bah, why don't you go to Yosemite? Pretty mountains, nice, high elevations, and all kinds of off trail hiking and peaks to summit.

Justin

Anonymous said...

I try not to buy organic too, because its clear that people take it as an article of enviroweenie faith that its better. I don't like superstition.

But Captain, I'm ahead of you -I've stopped recycling already! I told a freind about it once - that some study had shown that recyling is less efficient than mining and this made sense to me (lots of driving with low density material and governments have to subsidize it) so I don't do it.

My freind was in the Progressive Superhero legion - He patted my shoulder and said: "Don't let Them get you down"

But I am a Them : )

Anonymous said...

I agree with avodance of patronizing lefty businesses which try to lecture you and jam their philosophy down your throat in some sort of higher order arrogant nonsense.

The Captain is right about how this smugness and arrogance and zealotry actually turns people off from their message resulting in exactly opposite behavior.

However, then the Captain goes hyper in reverse zealotry which is quite humorous and over the top - I just sure as heck hope he's kidding or being provocative to prove his point.

Speaking of zealots, Capn, you missed the critical mass bike ride in downtown Mpls this afternoon. It doesn't appear that they blocked streets, they just slowed traffic because they gorged the streets with slow bike riders. Perhaps a practice run for when the RNC is in town?

Anonymous said...

Love that rant!!
I totally agree with you on the "holier then thou" crap when it comes to organic food. Its a total scam for one thing and they dont try to promote organic food based on its merits. They promote it by trashing food produced using modern technology.
When I go into my local corner grocery store and see them advertising organic milk with a poster that says "these cows dont do drugs"....well it makes me want to go shoot some polar bears and burn some used motor oil!

Anonymous said...

...just letting us be and letting us make our own decisions for ourselves.

That's what it always comes down to, isn't it Cap? Every stinking time.

Anonymous said...

" Forget the fact YOU caused me to burn more gas to drive out to Cody on pure principle and ultimately countered your intentions of fighting global warming."

You're a paragon of ethics and concern for others, as usual. How would the rest of us ever get by without you teaching us all and the earth a lesson for being too darn finite?

Anonymous said...

Don't shoot the polar bears, shoot these idiots instead! Then, just to add insult to injury, recycle the bullets and shoot some more of them!!

langmann said...

The funny thing is that other than their little "paragraph" I'll bet that restaurant does nothing that it says it does for the environment or the socio-economic whatevers.

I went to that restaurant's brother out in Whistler, BC, where I noticed the cardboard boxes in the dumpster out back (note: no recycling).

It reminded this junior economist of the economic theory of signaling and that it was probably cheaper for this restaurant to chase off the town council enviro-wackos with a false promise rather than suffer their silly law making wrath.

So I ate there.

danielle said...

I like your style. I'm a vegan, and even I find that shit hard to take, though of course "my kind" is usually the target audience.

But I grew up in a creepy religious atmosphere, and I feel the same sense of swirly-eyed zealotry lurking under the surface in certain establishments, such as the one you describe.

Why do people have to feel cuddled and validated all the time? What is this compulsion to turn any natural function into another means to profess one's "world view"?? It's just food. Don't waste it, or throw it around, or preach about it. Please don't fetishize it by overcharging for it and assigning it some weirdo mythos.

It's a GD sandwich.